PHILADELPHIA, PA – These Philly hoop streets? They dry as a bone, baby. You can cruise every corner of this city, from the gritty blocks to the shiny high-rises, looking for that fire—Purple Haze, Kush, Modified Bananas, whatever your vice—but don’t you dare step foot in South Philly’s Wells Fargo Center. Nah, Daryl Morey and Nick Nurse out here peddling straight-up trash. That shit they pushing? TRASH! Full of seeds, won’t stay lit, burns your throat like cheap rotgut. Shit’ll leave you with a headache and no buzz, just mad as hell. You’ll wanna slap the taste outta Morey and Nurse’s mouths for putting Maxey out there on the corner hustling that garbage. Straight disrespectful.

Now, if you roll through University City, you’ll catch Steve Donahue slinging what I swear is oregano. Man, it’s a damn shame. Back in the day, the Quakers had that premium smoke at 33rd and Walnut. I ain’t lying, I used to puff on that Ugonna Onyekwe and Koko Archibong back in the day—25 years ago, that was the real deal. Before them, Jerome Allen and Matt Maloney were holding it down with that top-shelf product. You could hit that two, three times a week and never feel cheated. These days? Don’t even bother with 33rd and Walnut unless you wanna waste your time and cash.

Over at 34th and Market, Zack Spiker and Wil Chavis are pushing that reggie. Ain’t nothing special about it. Yeah, it’s better than nothing, but it ain’t gonna get you where you need to be. Smoke two, three blunts of that weak sauce, and all you’ll get is the munchies and a whole lotta disappointment.

Now, if you head up to Wynnefield, it’s a crapshoot. Some nights, you might luck up and catch that fire. I’m talking East Coast elite, smooth flavor, strong but not overwhelming. But other nights? Billy Lange’s out there slinging that same ol’ reggie. Coach Lange and Justin Scott need to find themselves a better connect, ‘cause this ain’t cutting it.

Same story at 20th and Olney. Hit it on the right night, and you’ll find that killer “Deuce Jones” strain Fran Dunphy and Donnie Carr been pushing. That’s the good stuff, baby. But too often, they dry, and you’re stuck with that same weak reggie. Heartbreaking.

Now, if you swing down North to Broad and Cecil B. Moore, prepare to be let down. Earlier this year, they had some decent “mid”—not great, but better than reggie. Lately though? Adam Fisher, Chris Clark, and Bob Jordan been serving up straight disappointment. It’s a damn shame, ‘cause John Chaney held it down for 25 years with that killer product. These new cats? They ain’t got the touch.

And don’t even get me started on the Main Line. A few years back, you couldn’t miss. Yeah, it was overpriced, but it was worth every penny. Jay Wright had that hydroponic lab on lock, harvesting that premium smoke. Every batch was fire, and the demand was sky-high. When he opened shop, it was standing room only. But since he handed the keys to Kyle Neptune and Ashley Howard? They serving “mid” now. And for hoopheads used to that top-tier Pavilion smoke, “mid” just don’t cut it.

But here’s the real deal, the not-so-secret secret. If you’re a true Philly hoophead, you know where to go: 3301 Solly Avenue in the Northeast and downtown at Broad and Vine. That’s where the real fire is. I copped some tonight, and let me tell you, it’s the truth.

While the Sixers and these D1 programs keep letting us down, the Philadelphia Catholic League? They holding it down. Night in, night out, these young boys are serving the best smoke in the city. Roman, Catholic, Devon Prep, Father Judge and St. Joseph’s Prep—they all got that high-end, Grade-A Kush. No laced-up, fake-ass product here. The gyms are packed, the lights are bright, and the smoke is pure. The PCL is keeping Philly hoops alive while the big boys keep dropping the ball.

So, if you’re a real hoophead looking for that fix, skip Wells Fargo and these college programs. Head to the Palestra on Sunday for Catholic League Championship. That’s where you’ll find the finest smoke this city has to offer. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.